We must become explorers.
Not exploring the outside, but exploring who we are and the gay man, the gay person we were born and meant to be.
Inside of us is a journey that takes us on a winding path over mountains, deserts, forests, and into the seas and oceans.
More accurately, this would be to explore and re-find our joy.
I’ve found, as a coach, many people (of all sexualities) have been disconnected from their joy. The Western world puts such a premium on our work and the status of our work, and we believe joy comes from work and the status of a large salary. To find a life that could be displayed as a glossy magazine cover or as a social media influencer.
But as gay men, being so focused on survival in childhood and teenage years can lead us to become more divorced from joy. We found the things that allow us to survive.
It means we must go back in time and think about what we enjoyed when we were young. What were our hobbies and interests? Some of these we might do right now, but others we might have repressed.
Make a list of those. Then, more importantly, write down what you enjoyed about them.
Action: Create a Gay Journal
Journal throughout the day - both work and social times - about what you enjoyed over the last hour.
Why is joy critical for a gay man?
Joy is a short-lived emotion. Often, we only feel it when we are in the act of something that gives us joy. Compare this to sadness or anger. We can often feel these emotions for a long time after the event, which causes us to feel this way.
But joy is short-lived.
Many of us can be too distracted to notice when we enjoy something.
I remember my penultimate year working at ITV. I was always incredibly busy, helping to lead the department and deliver the ITV Hub project. At one point, I counted and realised the interruptions, instant messages, and emails I needed to respond to number in the hundreds on any given day.
For the most part, I felt stressed but was feeling bored and listless. However, as I became more mindful about joy, I noticed that I loved the 1:1s with my team. When I noticed this, I wondered why, and I realised it was because I loved coaching them.
Over time, this has become my vocation and job.
I only noticed this joy because I was being mindful and keeping a joy journal at the time.
But there can also be situations when we journal and realise we don’t feel joy.
When this happens, we can also look to the past to remember what we enjoyed.
Be reconnecting with joy. By feeling our passions, we can move from surviving and what we are doing now to where joy truly is and start taking actions that give us more joy.
This moves us from the first step of surviving to thriving. By starting with joy, this exploration of ourselves truly becomes fun!
Check the next article on the Gay Nurturer, or check out the first article in this series.